Eid Mubarak!

OK, this year we took a completely different approach to Eid al-Fitr.  For those just joining us, Eid is the holiday that follows the holy fasting month of Ramadan.   Schools and government offices shut down for several days and many families take this opportunity to travel.  Last year we took an adventurous, eye-opening trip to Sri Lanka.  This year we stayed put, partly to conserve resources for winter and spring vacations, partly because my residency card hasn't completed processing yet so I'm kinda stuck here.

Eid got off to a surprise start.  The islamic calendar and months do not match with ours - they are based on the sighting of the new moon by islamic authorities.  Which means there's a surprising amount of uncertainty about when Ramadan will start and end.  For instance, this year Eid was estimated on our calendar (printed a year ago) to be on October 2.  The school schedule was set for Eid break to begin Wed., October 1, although there was a possibility that it would begin a day earlier.  And at about 9 pm on Mon., September 29, we got emails and text messages announcing that the new mood was seen, Ramadan was over, and school would be out a day early.  It felt like a muslim snow day.

But can you imagine the implications?  Everyone was expecting it to begin on Wednesday.  My dear friend had planned a large group gathering for Eid, but she didn't know which day it would be until 9 pm the evening before.  Think of planning a Thanksgiving feast, and learning Tuesday night that nope, this year Thanksgiving's on Wednesday.  It all worked out (luck favors the prepared, darling) thank goodness, but I've hardly ever seen anyone look more exhausted.  

So what did we do with our extra-long holiday?  Hang out at home.  I went for a couple of bike rides, Daddy-O got out too.  Our biggest event was joining with a couple of other families for a dhow trip.  That's a traditional fishing boat in the region, and a big touristy thing to do is go downtown to the bayside and take a ride on a dhow.  20 minute trip, about 15 riyals, make sure you go when the sun isn't baking.  We went just before sunset - the weather was perfect, warm and breezy.   Then a snack picnic at the playground across the street, and dinner at McDonald's on the way home to round out the evening.  

Nothing fancy, just pleasant.  I only wish we had done another outing like this during the break.  But really, there's no hurry.  The weather is only getting nicer.  Next weekend, Singing Sands.

Looking Forward To Fall

Well, yesterday the weather was lovely - the high didn't quite break 100 degrees. When I got up early to go cycling, it was pleasantly cool, and even when I got back it was not too hot for J to take his breakfast outside in the garden. This is a short-lived break from the worst heat, but the temperatures are slowly but consistently getting more reasonable.

One measure: when we arrived, the cold water tap was running at about 105 degrees - that's too hot to stand in the shower, even for me. It would take almost two hours for the kids' bath to cool off enough for them to get in. Now it's closer to 100, which is OK for a hot shower but still too hot for the kids' bath. This is a few degrees worse than last year because our new house is around the corner from the old, and the water tank in the garden here gets less time in the shade. Also, it helped to turn off hot water heater. Not sure why that affects the cold tap, but it brought the temps down a few degrees.

I went to the big plant nursery outside town yesterday - it's truly huge, a worthy side trip for anyone who enjoys that sort of thing. I bought a bunch of things for the back garden - some hibiscus, canna, adenium, and a lemon tree. Those should add some interest and fill the space out a little better 'till the real growing season starts at the end of October. I'm also planning to have the maintenance men here pull up some more of the bricks (the whole yard is bricked in except for a few smallish garden spots with one lovely tree and two rather dehydrated climbing plants) so I can green up the yard some more. I think everyone here is suffering from a green deficit.

Everyone here is well and we're enjoying ourselves. Again, our daughter is suffering worst from homesickness and missing her Pittsburgh friends. We've had a series of fits in the evenings, pining for her best buddy. Fortunately it hasn't been quite as bad as last year - she's sad but not making herself sick over it - because she has at least a few kids her age in the compound to join up with. In fact, the kids have about doubled their base group of buddies in the compound, which means we can enjoy their company without totally monopolizing their time. Another positive development. As for me, I still have some kinks to work out, but I'm definitely heading in the right direction.

New Gadget

They say you are what you eat. I kind of believe that, although I don't like what that implies about my children. Say what you want, but these kids are anything but bland.

For me, I'd revise the truism. I am what I cook. If you want a decent look into my current state of mental health, take a look at what's going in in my kitchen. When I'm floundering emotionally, I cook safe and dull if I cook at all. When I'm feeling good I get more adventurous in my menu plans. And banana bread is always a good sign.

Also, I found last year that recipes that were tried and true in the States just didn't come out as expected here. I needed to essentially pitch the old model and start with a new set of recipes and a new set of comfort foods

That's why I added a new gadget to the blog: you can take a look and see what I've been cooking lately. It's more fun to focus on the positive, so I'll only post the interesting dishes I've tried. I'm willing to share here, but I don't feel the obligation to document every time we eat pizza, burgers, rigatoni bake, or KFC.

You can assume the kids didn't eat these dishes unless I note otherwise.

Making it Home

Sorry for the long dry spell (if you will). We got our container at the beginning of the month and we've been working on making this pile of cement blocks and cardboard boxes look and feel like home.

In a nutshell: Wow. What a difference a few rugs can make. We haven't got the pictures up and the kids' rooms are basically a disorganized jumble but other than that we're pretty well settled. I'll go on record here - I thought it was foolish to ship four beds halfway around the world to a fully furnished home. I was totally wrong. Sleeping in our own beds has been a godsend.

And for those who have been wondering, buying a car reasonably cheap in the US and shipping it over to the inflated Middle East hasn't been quite as good a deal as we had hoped. Finanically it's still worked out to our advantage, but it was a much, much, MUCH bigger hassle than we had anticipated. It slowed down receiving our container and took an extra week or so in customs (all because separate customs offices here handle cars and possessions). Then, just a few days after it finally arrived, just about when Daddy-O was finally beginning to breathe easy, the electrical system went kaput. Another week, a trip to the dealership, unknown costs, and hopefully he'll get it for good tomorrow. Insha'allah.

On the other hand, we could not possibly have predicted the ease with which we found and bought a used SUV. It's huge and black and previously owned by another American whose meticulous nature is well known. And you know the best part? On Friday the low fuel light went on so I filled it up for 56 riyals. That's about $15. Including tip for full serve. And the other best part? I can drive over curbs like a native. Yeah, baby.

What else? Rapid fire: the kids are all in school (photos coming any time now) and they admit to loving it there. Pretty much all our friends from last year were still here and we've been able to fall right back into those warm fuzzies. As an added bonus, there are heaps more kids in the compound now, which means I don't have to feel guilty for allowing my kids to totally monopolize one or two families' attention. We're halfway through the holy month of Ramadan. I've started cycling on Friday mornings with some amalgam of the group I enjoyed so much last year; it's actually worth waking up at 4:30 for. And I volunteered for the PTA board - Treasurer - and that's a whole nother posting. I haven't done a job search yet but geez, give me a break. Maybe once I get my residency card...

So what have you been up to?

BACK -- in the State of Qatar!

... you don't know how lucky you are, boy --
Back in the State of Qatar!
(mental note: finish rewriting those lyrics for next talent show - it's gonna be HUGE!)


Yes, we're back in Doha after a long and exhausting summer. I'm not even going to go into how hard it was to leave Pittsburgh, both emotionally and physically. In short, you know the saying "you don't know what you got till it's gone"? Not always true. I said so many goodbyes, by the end I just shut down and only dealt with the folks who side-tackled me on the street. But my parents' neighbor told me a story about how her family moved to England (I think it was) for a few years when the kids were small, and when they returned everything was right where they left it. So I have hope. Just in case there's anyone left in Pittsburgh who doesn't resent us.

In the meantime, I'm unpacking. I've got almost all of the suitcases empty and put away which is good because any day now the container will arrive at the house (it's sitting in Customs now only a few miles away) and we'll have a big job reacquainting ourselves with our worldly possessions.

For those who've asked, the flight and navigating airports alone with three kids worked out fine, but we had a lot of help. This would have been much harder without business class seats, red-carpet lounges, and the Al Maha welcome wagon / visa and baggage expediting service at the Doha airport. The hardest part came the day after we arrived, when I had spent two nights with a total of four hours' sleep (A's schedule was as upside down as her stomach). Survive and advance. It's been much better since then, and we're all sleeping at night for at least 6 hours at a pop.

Next posts: what's different here, what's the same, and what's just plain screwy.

A Quick Homecoming Before A Long Going Away

(Another guest post by Daddy-O.)

“I’m homeless, in between jobs, and living with my in-laws.  How are you doing?”. 

I had my answer ready to go. But to what question?  As luck would have it, my high school reunion was scheduled during the few days we had between moving out of our house in Pittsburgh and flying to Doha. The luck part is that we were planning to be in Michigan to visit family at that time anyway so I was able to attend. My lovely spouse (and your regularly scheduled mistress-of-the-blog) showed that she can be an extraordinarily good sport and agreed to come with me. Whew. Didn’t want to have to add ‘umm, she couldn’t make - she and the kids moved back in with her parents’ to my answer.

The question, of course, was ‘how are things going?’, ‘what have you been up to?’, etc. All the standard high-school reunion questions. I had my answer all ready to go. It was fun to see people’s expressions when I answered. Many different flavors of ‘uhh, sorry I asked.’ But in almost all cases it was a good conversation starter, rather than the conversation killer it sounds like.

I guess that’s because I am fortunate to be able to explain that these were all good things, in their own way - homeless because we had sold our house a few days earlier (which greatly impressed my Michigan friends who have watched the housing market collapse locally), between jobs because I’m moving to Qatar in a few days to start an exciting new one (sounding good to my friends working at GM and Chrysler), living with my in-laws because we’re visiting on vacation. It wouldn’t be so fun without the follow-up. Given the state of the economy and the housing meltdown in Michigan, I’m afraid that some of my classmates probably had similar answers but without the fun follow-up. Michigan’s economy really is that grim now. I wish them the best. It’s sad to see your home town and the people you grew up with suffering.

As with the last reunion I went to ten years ago, this one was a lot more fun than I expected. Although only a few of my close friends from high school made it to the reunion (those of you who did - thanks so much for making the trip), it was fun to see how people had grown - in most case more body, less hair - and chosen to live their lives. Even my good sport of a spouse seemed to have a good time.

Oh yeah, the elephants. I posted a picture on the reunion web site of your intrepid adventurering family on an elephant ride in Sri Lanka prior to the actual get-together. Apparently it generated a lot of interest. Before even making it to the registration table at the party I had three people stop me and ask what we were doing riding an elephant on the other side of the world. For the rest of the night, almost everybody I met wanted to hear about the elephant. I guess my concept of what’s exotic and far away has changed more than I realized in the past couple of years. Sri Lanka seems a lot more exotic to my friends in Michigan than it does to my friends in Doha. Funny how your perspective evolves, sometimes without your even being aware of it...

A Fond Farewell to Friends

(A special guest-post by Daddy-O)

Moving isn’t fun. Helping your friends move, probably even less so. That’s my big insight after spending the past couple of months somewhere between living in Pittsburgh and living in Doha. (I’ll just keep thinking the big thoughts, that’s what I’m good at...) One of the upsides to the whole experience has been the chance to recall why we’ve loved living in Regent Square for all these years - our friends and the community that we’ve become part of.

That’s where the helping your friends move comes in. We dragged the process of moving out seemingly forever - pack a shipping container, hang around for a few weeks, head off for vacation, come back, pack a storage container, pack our bags for Doha, hit the road, etc. Through it all, our friends from the neighborhood were amazing. Need us to watch the kids this afternoon? No problem, send ‘em down. Need some help moving the furniture out to the container? No problem, we’ll be over in a few minutes. No time to cook tonight? We’ll stop by with some food. I was deeply touched by the outpouring of support and friendship over the past couple of months. It meant a ton to me and made it possible for B to get through the experience at all.

Thanks. You’re great friends and wonderfully generous. We’ll miss you while we’re away and look forward to rekindling our friendships when we return. Of course, if you ever find yourself in Qatar, look us up. We’d be delighted to see you.

THIS is why we're going.

I found this prayer in a comment on the Burgh Blog (great read, by the way) and wanted to run around waving a copy. This is it! This is why we're going! I tried to express our motivation when I started this blog, but this is much better. And I can even refer back to it when the kids and I get depressed about giving up our home and community in Pittsburgh. I made J read and unravel the metaphors and he really gets it -- probably because some fancy-looking dead guy wrote the prayer, rather than just Mom, whose sole purpose is to provide authority for him to challenge.

Prayer of Sir Francis Drake

Disturb us, Lord, when We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life, We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land, We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future In strength, courage, hope, and love.

To sell or not to sell...

That is the gut-wrenching question.

For a long time we have been concerned about the quality of public education for our children here. Pair that with a giant mortgage and ridiculous taxes, and it makes sense to sell our house before we go. Which is fine by me. My happiness is not laid in that foundation; it's the relationships and nature that surround us here that enrich my life. As three years pass our attachment to this particular house will fade.

I just don't know how to explain that to the kids.

They've all been excited to go back to Doha. They miss their friends there, they miss the school (ASD). It was a great experience. But as soon as they realized that there is a cost - there is a permanence in three years that was easy to overlook for four months - the reaction changed. A is too young (4, now) to understand so I can kind of gloss that over. J (now 9) is more aware; he gets that three years will be a long, long time and things will change. He's sad about that but he's still basically on board. Which maybe I shouldn't trust so much, given that he second-guesses pretty much everything else that comes out of my mouth. But that's a different entry.

C (still 6) is another story. When he first heard us talk about renting the house he immediately understood that we won't be coming back to his old bedroom twice a year. Dead stop. Total deal breaker. He's less visceral now but just yesterday he told me "You know, one year is the right amount of time to go. It's enough to really have friends but now too long to be away." But that's not an option.

How do I relate to three young children that we're selling their home because the schools just aren't good enough? So far I've come up with this: We're not sure where we'll live when we come back to Pittsburgh but we will find a nice home in a nice neighborhood with good schools and no matter what, they can still see their dear friends.

Not bad, but I know I'll fall apart when they freak out.

Reprise, extended dance remix

Yep - you guessed it. We're heading back.

Daddy-O got an invitation to leapfrog his career in a three-year contract in Doha. So that's just what we're going to do. It was an easy decision, really - this is an opportunity that doesn't come around but once a decade (or two). And there are opportunities for me too - I've been chomping at the bit for over a year to re-launch my career, and as the US economy tanks it makes some sense to go where there are tons of interesting projects. The kids were happy during our first visit, their school is fantastic, way beyond anything we could afford here.

So it's a good decision. Except that getting there is going to suck. Once we decided to go to Qatar, the easy choice was over and everything that has followed has been grueling hard.

We've been happy is the thing. We have a comfortable life, surrounded by wonderful friends and close (enough) to family. We lack for nothing, in contrast we are incredibly fortunate. Is it ungrateful to pursue more? I hope not, because I try hard to be conscious and appreciate the life I have. Have I mentioned before that I hate to say goodbye? Well, we've got a lot of that going on.

It's going to be a long haul.