Challenge to schoolkids

In case there are any school kids out there reading this blog, here's an idea. In this blog, as with any Internet resource, you need to question the source. Despite my authoritative voice, my authority is really limited to the fact that I live here and you probably don't. I try to be better than that, but really I don't have any fact checkers or even legitimate titles. Given my stated credentials, I am the indisputable authority on my daughter's gut but perhaps not so on Islam, native Qatari fauna, and Middle Eastern politics.

The challenge is to find an erroneous statement or assumption I've made - pick an entry and check my facts. Respond through comments here (click on the pinkish "x comments" link at the bottom right of this entry). I'm curious what you'll come up with.

Dress Code

I'm running out of interesting things to say. This isn't really life in the fast lane any more than it was in Pittsburgh...

But I've gotten some questions about the dress code, so I guess I'll offer my description.

The general rule I've heard is, cover the shoulders and knees, men and women alike. Westerners (and others) wear western dress - I basically live in a variety of t-shirts and I rotate through two pairs of capri pants, two long linen skirts, and two sarongs. Some women like to wear those comfy cami tops with thin straps; in public they add a bolero-type sweater or a large wrap scarf to cover the shoulders. Western men wear pants or long shorts that cover the knees. Now, I've seen women at the mall wearing midriff-exposing tank tops and mini skirts (and that was even during Ramadan!), but that's pretty uncommon. I suspect they get helpful advice from their fellow mall-goers: people here will certainly let you know when you're out of line. It's not threatening, but the message is clear.

The rules are much looser inside our compound - we kind of treat the compound as an extension of our homes. It's not a huge place but you can wear shorts to walk around the block and on the tennis courts. Also, Ramadan restrictions seem to be lifted inside the compound - I've seen snacks and water at the pool. Incidentally, pool and beach attire is the same as at home.

There's a completely different set of rules for Muslims. Arab women and men mostly wear traditional dress - that's the black abayas for women and the white head scarf and thobe for men. Once you get used to the abayas you can see that there's a wide variation in style. Some women just wear a head scarf to cover the hair and a robe to cover the arms and legs, while some cover every possible inch - full length robe, lightweight gloves, and the face completely covered (including eyes) with a veil. I have to remind myself that I don't really know anything about the woman underneath the veil, except that she is a devout Muslim with a strict interpretation of appropriate dress. Sometimes her voice is surprisingly young, cheerful, and western. Honestly, at first I just ignored women whose face I couldn't see - I didn't know what to say. Now I'm getting better at the normal polite exchanges (excuse me, sorry, thank you). Still, I feel like I aim my communications vaguely at the head but slightly off target. I've got a way to go.

These coverings can come off when the women are in an environment where they are certain they will not be seen by men outside their immediate family.

There are ways for women to make a fashion statement. Accessories are important - handbags and jewelry, obviously, are a great way to stand out. You see some Sex in the City type purses that are I'm sure at the height of fashion although I am completely unfamiliar with the medium. The abayas also have a lot of variance in details like the type of fabric and ornamentation. Some are really beautiful, with a lovely drape and intricate embroidery along the edges. Now, that's an abaya I'd like to take home. I suspect the nice ones are very expensive. Just look at the cars these ladies get in.

Mens' thobes offer less opportunity for stating personal style and income. The style is dictated by country of origin. Those who know can tell a man's native land by the existence of a collar, pleats, buttons, and cuffs on his thobe, and the presence of a black or red patten on his head scarf. That leaves the quality of the fabric and jewelery (cuff links, rings) for individualization. And his face. Don't forget that.

That's my summary of high fashion in the Gulf. Maybe I'll get the courage to take some photos at the mall (I understand that folks may or may not want their pictures taken). Remember that I am not a particularly interested observer of fashion; my main goal is comfort, both physical and cultural. I just want my dress to be basically appropriate. Beyond that is really beyond me.

A Good Fit / Up-Beat Entry

I'm beginning to appreciate our good fortune in landing in this compound.

There are two compounds here where CMU places most of its families: Barzan 2 (our compound) and the Qatar Foundation, which is a little bit closer to Education City, where RTM works. We have friends in QF and one neighbor here who is relocating over there, but I'm really happy with where we are - it's a good fit.

The compound is on the small side so it's not crowded and there's not much traffic. At the same time it's big enough and filled mostly with families, so there's almost always kids at the pool in the afternoon. We have a nice pool, a tennis court and a gym, all effectively in our back yard, which I am finding is great for a compound this size. Although the compound itself is very Western, the surrounding area is distinctly Arab. We have a small business strip just around the corner, and when it cools off we'll be able to walk to a children's park with grass, trees, and a playground (sorry, Dad, it's for women and children only). We have met lots and lots of neighbors and they're great people.

The QF houses are definitely nicer, with hardwood floors upstairs, beautiful eat-in kitchens, and Western-style (read bigger) appliances. Their water cisterns are inside, too, so they don't have the problem with steaming water out of the cold tap... But the pool and gym aren't open yet, and when they open they'll be shared between two big compounds. It has the feel more of a neighborhood in suburban America. In a year or two it will be a great place, but right now I'm really liking where we are.

I guess the "grass is greener" complex just doesn't make much sense to me. Most of the time I'd rather figure out how to be happy where I am than knock myself out finding the perfect situation. And as it turns out, both in Pittsburgh and Doha, we've got it pretty darn good.

PS - I'm feeling really upbeat - could you tell? This week A started preschool and she likes it, we got our mail, and I got the DVD player fixed so we can actually watch the Netflix movies on a big screen. Three aggravations, resolved... And the temperature is slowly coming down - it was downright pleasant early this morning. Up for next week, I'll try gardening, get a haircut, and go for a run outside.

The Tide is Turning

You probably know by now that our 3 year old girl ("A") hasn't handled the transition so well. Basically, waiting for her to settle in and get comfortable wasn't working, because what she really needed was to establish some relationships. And waiting for friends to find us wasn't working so hot either. So I got a little more proactive (let's not call it aggressive) in finding her a buddy and/or something to do.

We've been getting rather sick of each other, you see. Two weeks ago the boys went off to their first day of school, and that day was wonderful. A just pattered off and played quietly by herself - she clearly was needing some quiet time on her own. It was a delightful day.

Since then, she has needed more and more attention to the point where I couldn't get a chore done without a fight.

I was going crazy all over again.

So my project for this week was to fix that problem. After a couple of days of phone calls, toddler networking, emails, driving around lost, crashing play dates, and (literally) knocking on doors, I have successfully found two little girls her age - one just around the corner in our compound. She has had play dates with both Alisha and Hannah and is so proud of her new friends. I'm sure she'll be pestering me for friend time on a daily basis, but there's no contest: it's so much better having her beg for a play date than having her whine and groan about her bellyache. Yesterday in the car she actually said to me "Mommy, my belly doesn't hurt at all!"
Mom: "Really?"
A: "Yeah. But my back hurts now."

You take what you can get.

And to top it all off, the nursery school that a bunch of the toddlers in our compound go to called this morning - they have space for A starting Sunday. She'll go four mornings a week, which means that four mornings a week I will have a life.

Hoo-ah!

I have been known to declare victory too soon (what can I say - I'm American), but I really think things are coming around.

It's Complicated

Some days I feel like whatever simple stupid thing I try to do, it's complicated. Many of these annoyances center themselves around the tv. So I'll moan and groan today about that.

We have three satellite dishes on our roof and I can't find a program worth watching. To be honest, I don't even turn on the TV anymore because there is such a ridiculous amount of PORN - it's everywhere! RTM has gone through and put parental control locks as best he can but it seems like the channels change randomly and you click to the next channel and boom, they're doin' the boom-boom. Right there in your living room. And even when the parental control catches it, you still get a solid second for the frame to freeze itself in your brain. I'm not some prude; I just want a flippin' sit-com.

We bought a DVD player when we got here so that it would work with the current but that hasn't worked out so well. We brought it home and found that it doesn't play American DVDs - it displays "wrong region" - some pointless attempt to stop piracy. So we brought it back to Carrefour and they programmed it, right at the front desk, to accept Western discs. Great. It worked for two weeks till the power strip got turned off, then Wrong Region came back. When I brought it back to Carrefour (on Friday) they said they'd have to get it in for service - two or three days. Four days later I call to see what's going on and the word is that service takes at least two WEEKS, maybe a month. Don't call us, we'll call you. No, I can't get my money back because the lady who fixed it last time misplaced the receipt. So we bought this stupid thing to use for four months and a quarter of that is shot.

Not that it really matters because we haven't gotten any of our Netflix movies anyhow. Or any other mail. It turns out after weeks of waiting, calling the Swissvale post office, and calling CMU's post office that our Pittsburgh mail has been forwarded to RTM's office at CMU Pittsburgh, not Qatar. All our magazines, movies, mail, etc. have been sitting on his desk in his empty office. Maybe next week we'll get our August mail.

At least the Wii works. Here's a picture of the assemblage we needed to construct to plug it into the wall.

That's the Wii cord on the left plugged into an adapter plugged into an adapter plugged into a transformer plugged into an adapter plugged into a power strip plugged into the wall. But it works. 'Nuff said.

Enough groaning - what are we DOING? Here are the stop-gaps we have in place - we download tv shows on iTunes on the computer, we play DVDs on the computer, we play on the Wii, we'll buy a new blessed DVD player if we can't get the other one fixed. So there is no deficit of screen time, at least in the kids' lives.

But it's complicated.

Ramadan Begins

Today is the first day of Ramadan, which is a huge deal in this part of the world, so I thought I'd say something about that. Because as a non-Muslim and after one day of experience with the holiday I must be an expert. But that's the fun of the internet, right? With just a few keystrokes I can relay my self-importance to the world.

Ramadan is the most important holiday in Islam, and it's really the toughest holiday I've ever seen. For 30 days (marking the time when the Quran was revealed), Muslims fast from first light to sunset, abstaining from all food, drink, sex and tobacco. Children, pregnant women, the elderly and infirm are not obligated to fast. The fast is intended to remind people of the suffering of the poor, force them to practice self-control, and impart a sense of kinship among fellow believers. It is traditionally a time when people give themselves over to spiritual devotion.

So how does this play out in the real world?

Well, it's not nauseatingly commercialized like Christmas, although to be fair, Islam is a younger faith - we'll see what Ramadan looks like in 600 years... There are "Ramadan Kareem" (that's Ramadan blessings) signs up in the stores but this holiday is not about decoration and gift-giving. It's all about food.

Restaurants are closed during daylight hours; the liquor store is closed for the entire month. It is illegal for adults to eat or drink in public, even for non-Muslims. The official workday is reduced to 5 hours. Although the megastores (like Carrefour) still have long hours, most stores are closed in the afternoon; they might open again for a couple of hours before sundown or later in the evening. People are advised by the US Embassy to stay off the streets during the hour before sunset because the roads are filled with cranky, hungry drivers rushing home to break the fast. The accident rate is even higher than normal.

The first meal after sundown is called Iftar, which usually begins with dates and juices for quick energy. Later in the evening is a larger feast, which often lasts late into the night. I hear that Ramadan has moved away from a month of self-sacrifice and towards a more bipolar/nocturnal time where the day just shifts forward by several hours... This is the hearsay portion of the account, and I think I should stop before I either offend or say something completely unsupportable.

I'm sure I'll have more later on what Ramadan does to life in Doha.

First Day of School

OK, the first day of school was Sunday but it took me four days to get the pictures uploaded, not that there were so many. Just think of the delay if we actually used film... So here's a summary of the first few days of school.



The first day of school was overall a success. RTM and I drove the boys in (with A also) to walk them to their classrooms and get them settled. They each had to bring in all their school supplies plus a lunch plus a snack plus two bottles of water. They must have been pretty excited because with all that weight, they still wore their backpacks and didn't even think to ask for help.

We found the classrooms - with all the construction at ASD (the American School of Doha - www.asd.edu.qa) they both have temporary portacube rooms, but they're air conditioned and the Kindergarten classes even have their own bathrooms, so it's no hardship. Both boys have 20-minute recess twice a day, plus PE class twice a week. Recess is outside - I guess they're not impressed by 104-degree heat. Most of the play area is covered with a canopy, and there's always a breeze. Sunglasses are a must, though. The third graders get a lot of freedom - J can do whatever he wants at recess, so he goes to the library half of the time. At the library orientation last week he asked three questions and the librarian made a point of learning his name - "I can tell we're going to get to know each other," she said. And they have - we got to school ten minutes early on the first day and J went straight there to see if a book he "reserved" was ready.


C was a little nervous at the beginning of the day but on Monday he brought home a birthday party invitation and on Tuesday he said he's making a friend with a girl whose name he doesn't know. Don't knock it - this is progress. He was excited about his first music class Tuesday, too. They're both happy to go to school in the morning.


The end of the day Sunday I had a scare. They bring all the elementary grade kids to the front gate of the school to be picked up by parents. It's a small space, sunny and hot and crowded. A had fallen asleep in the car so I left her inside with the a/c on to get a decent nap (you gotta do what you gotta do). After about 15 minutes I found C and hurried him back to the car to cool off and keep A company in case she woke up. Then I waited and waited for J. 20 minutes later all the kids have come out and no J; I was rather agitated. Two kids in the idling car in the parking lot and one kid unaccounted for - I'm 0 for 3 and pretty unnerved. Eventually we found him waiting for bus #5 - there was a typo on his tag and he got shuffled into the bus line. Fortunately bus #5 never showed up (I suppose that's good for me but bad for the other parents) otherwise he'd have been driving around the city who knows where. It took 45 minutes to find my kids.

Monday morning I updated the boys' records to make sure their information is correct in the computer and talked with all the teachers so everyone knows where they go. Subsequent days the pickup has gone smoothly. It's still hot and sunny and crowded - more like a cattle call than I'd have chosen, but it's reasonable.

Things You Don't See in Pittsburgh

On a lighter note, I thought I'd write a quickie about things you don't see back home.

How's this - I filled the kids' bath up with water entirely from the cold tap, threw in two trays of ice cubes, and they still complained it was too hot.

The refrigerated swimming pool's chilling unit seems to have broken yesterday or the day before. The water will be uncomfortably warm by tomorrow.

The boys' first day of school is on Sunday. They won't be taking the bus - it costs about $1,500 per child per year.

People are commenting on how fair the weather's been - it was really hot last year. Tomorrow it's only supposed to get up to 102 degrees!

I have seven different flavors of fresh fruit juice in my fridge: apple, grape, strawberry, watermelon, passion fruit, orange, and pineapple. I hear the carrot juice is great too.

You can walk around the corner and get fresh hot pita bread from the bakery, five pieces for a riyal (that's about 30 cents). The juice stall next door is where you go for carrot juice.

You can also walk around the corner to the neighborhood grocery and get all sorts of fresh fruits and veggies, herbs and whatever else you might need for dinner tonight. But the eggs are risky - they're not refrigerated in the truck.

All those saloons you see the signs for? They're barbers. Don't ask for a beer. Do ask for a facial.

Ladies, when you're in the public restroom, keep looking in stalls 'till you find one with an actual toilet...

It's best to enter the roundabout at full tilt, if at all possible.

That driver in the left lane probably wants to turn right. Don't expect a signal.

You'll have giant SUVs passing you on the right in a residential neighborhood, but when the parking lot gridlocks no one leans on the horn. You get hand gestures that (they tell me) aren't offensive - they mean "chill out!" I don't think road rage happens here. They drive like fiends but when the traffic is bad or there's a crash, it was the will of Allah. Accept it.

If you need your car washed, go to the mall. Come on, you were going there anyhow. There are guys in the parking lot who'll wash your car while you shop for 10 riyals.

Rush hour is 8 pm. Parks and playgrounds are lit well into the night, and still busy after 9 pm.

I'm sure I'll think of more, but these are just the things that have struck me in the last few days.

Doha Debates

Tonight I did something totally different: my dear husband gave me his ticket to the Doha Debates, and I spent a couple of hours in the company of adults engaged in an intellectual conversation.

Apparently the Qatar Foundation hosts an annual series of debates on hot topics relevant to the Middle East. Today's debate was centered on the following statement: "This House believes it is time to talk to Al Qaeda". Two speakers supported and two opposed the motion. You can get the full details on the speakers and the format at the Doha Debates website: www.thedohadebates.com. In case you want to see it yourself, tonight's debate will be broadcast internationally on BBC World on September 8 and 9; I recommend checking it out.

The speakers defending the House position basically said that it is time to end the violence, and the only way to do that is to negotiate. Violence only begets violence, but solutions come from dialogue. The speakers opposing said that negotiation requires both rational leaders and achievable goals; Al Qaeda is an organization of extremist sociopaths whose main goals are creating mayhem, violence, and the eradication of the West.

At the end of the debate, the audience voted 2 to 1 in favor of the House. I have to say, I doubt that a Western audience would have voted that way, but this was not a Western crowd. I'd guess that slightly less than half of the audience were wearing traditional Arabic dress, and the conversation felt like it assumed a basis in Islam. Everyone agreed that Al Qaeda is a group of extremist sociopathic murderers; there was the additional insult of how it has distorted Islam and erased its emphasis on compassion and mercy. But there were members of the audience who come from places like Iraq and Afghanistan who asked questions, and their general position was that we just have to stop the violence. It was interesting, though. There was this strong, urgent sentiment that the most important thing is to stop the violence, but there were also a few questions that struggled to find some atonement - people will want to see the terrorists punished.

Anyhow, it was an enlightening evening; I know for sure that an open debate like this would not occur in our neighbor, Saudi Arabia. Let's hear it for the Emir's dedication to free speech.

Quick trip to Al Ahli

Well, A's bellyaching got worse - she's always complained that her belly hurts but on Sunday night it actually woke her up from sleeping. She had a rough night and never really recovered - cranky and no appetite all day, but the part that worried me most was that I couldn't get her to drink more than a couple of sips. Even in the a/c, that's just not sustainable here. So I decided to take her to the hospital.

This was an interesting experience. I called around during the day but couldn't get through to anyone at the hospital who could make an appointment for us. I didn't get the impression this was a language problem; it's just that the people at the main line didn't know how to get us through to Pediatrics. Weird. I asked around the compound and people said that, to get to a doctor, you have to go to the hospital.

OK, it sounds totally obvious here, but that's not what I'm used to doing unless it's a real emergency.

So we went to the closest hospital, where all our friends have taken their children for treatment. The place looks more like a large hotel than a hospital. It's beautiful. And when you get to the waiting room they take your drink order - coffee, tea, juice? All the nurses made a fuss over A; something that J would eat up with a spoon but my shy girl doesn't enjoy. But how nice was that? The doctor took her whole history, he had all the time in the world, it seemed, and no detail was irrelevant. I told him more about her gut and bowel habits than you have any desire to hear. He ordered an x-ray and read the results right there.

Turns out she has Functional Abdominal Pain, which has been ongoing for more than a year, and I knew about it but didn't have an actual term for. That means that her belly hurts, but nothing is physically wrong with her and she can go about her regular life. Now, that shouldn't be waking her up at night, but she also had just developed a head cold, which could have enlarged her lymph nodes in an already tender area. Add to that a loaded colon, and no wonder she was hurting.

So now we're doing regular suppositories and she felt much, much better today. She still says her belly hurts, of course, but at least she was able to eat three decent meals.

I was trying to break away from being an active participant in her every bowel movement. I'm not joking here - I have to talk the kid through every single stinking crap she takes. And still she gets backed up. At least she doesn't fight the medicine - I swear, she'd rather do anything just to feel like she's doing something.

And the total bill for the after-hours hospital visit, x-ray and pharmacy included, at the fancy private hospital? Less than $100. I paid cash.